Bullying, although not a new problem in and around schools, has increasingly become a bigger issue with children, having negative impacts for all involved. With the increase in online formats (social media, gaming, etc.) this can feel like an issue that is difficult to get ahead of. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) define bullying as” any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths…. that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.” Bullying can come in the following forms:
- Physical such as hitting, kicking, and tripping
- Verbal including name-calling and teasing
- Relational/social such as spreading rumors and leaving out of the group
- Damage to property of the victim
- Online (Cyber-bullying) which includes verbal threats and harassment over online platforms (cell phone, text messages, social media, gaming, emails)
Bullying can produce long term effects for children, resulting in physical injury, social and emotional distress, self-harm, and even death. It also increases the risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.
Talking about bullying can be difficult for everyone. However, research suggest that children often look to parents/guardians for advice/help on difficult decisions. Spending even 15 minutes a day talking with your child can reassure them that they can talk to you if they have a problem. Start conversations about daily life and feelings with questions like these:
- What was one good thing that happened today? Any bad things?
- What is lunch time like at your school? Who do you sit with? What do you talk about?
- What is it like to ride the school bus?
- What are you good at? What would do you like best about yourself?
It is important to talk to your child about bullying so that they understand what it means to bully someone and what to do if it happens to them. If you suspect that your child is being bullied at school or on the bus, please contact the school. If you suspect that your child is being bullied somewhere outside of school please consider discussing the following tips/options with your child:
Don’t give the bully a chance. As much as you can, avoid the bully. You can’t go into hiding or skip class, of course. But if you can take a different route and avoid the mean kid, do so.
Stand tall and be brave. When you’re scared of another person, you’re probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. How does a brave person look and act? Stand tall and you’ll send the message: “Don’t mess with me.” It’s easier to feel brave when you feel good about yourself. See the next tip!
Feel good about you. Nobody’s perfect, but what can you do to look and feel your best? Talk to your child about ways to increase self-esteem.
Get a buddy (and be a buddy). Two is better than one if you’re trying to avoid being bullied. Plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school, recess, lunch, or wherever you think you might meet the bully.
Ignore the bully. If you can, try your best to ignore the bully’s threats. Pretend you don’t hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness. Acting as if you don’t notice and don’t care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully’s behavior.
Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully “No! Stop it!” in a loud voice. Then walk away, or run if you have to.
Don’t bully back. Don’t hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it’s dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You’re also likely to get in trouble. It’s best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
Don’t show your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you’re upset? Try distracting yourself (counting backwards from 100, spelling the word ‘turtle’ backwards, etc.) to keep your mind occupied until you are out of the situation and somewhere safe where you can show your feelings.
Tell an adult. If you are being bullied, it’s very important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and talk about what is happening to you.
Remember, children often learn by watching adults. When adults treat others with kindness and respect, it demonstrates to children that there is no place for bullying. Children watch how the adults in their lives manage stress and conflict, how they treat those around them and how they allow others to treat them. For more information regarding bullying, the effects of bullying, and how to make a positive impact in our communities, please visit the following websites:
https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying
https://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/how-to-prevent-bullying